I recently turned 40. It was a real celebration, largely because I’m really happy to be 40. I have the most incredible life: a beautiful, healthy and happy family and a rich and interesting life; I have a lot to be happy about. 

At my birthday party, I gave a little speech. You know me, I love giving a speech! I talked about how important it is to live in the now because that’s really ALL there is. 

The past has happened. It’s done. It’s over. 

The future you have so little control over and things can change. 

The only space where you really have any control is the present. The now. Right now, you could make a choice to do things differently. To make a decision. To say something that’s been on your mind. The power is now. 

I love this quote from Sir Anthony Hopkins. It sums up this sentiment beautifully:

“None of us is getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after-thought. 

Eat the delicious food. 

Walk in the sunshine. 

Jump in the ocean. 

Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. 

Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.”

~Anthony Hopkins

Not 'Ambitious'? Don't Worry; The Only Way Ain't 'Up'

"So, how ambitious are you?"

"Yikes!" you think. "I'm not ambitious at all... I was dreading him asking me that."


Interviews. Performance reviews. Chats with your boss. All of these situations could result in your degree of ambitiousness being called into question.


There appears to be a widespread perception in the corporate world that to be any good, or to be regarded as an asset to your company, you must also be 'ambitious' (which, in most corporate cultures, means 'wanting to work your way up the ladder').


In my mind, that definition is limited and is actually held by only a small percentage of the working population and yet, their definition has become the standard to which everyone else thinks they must adhere.

A Client Said...

I had a client recently who was talking about his performance review and how he should handle 'that' question about ambitiousness. "If I was talking to friends," he said, "I'd say the truth: I don't want ever to be a senior manager leading a massive team."


"And how would you reply if your boss asked the same question?" I asked. "Well, I would have to tell him what he expects to hear: that I'm ambitious and want a top job in the long term."


Surely the problem with this is that this client could well end up with exactly what he doesn't want: a job that doesn't inspire, engage or motivate him.


I often like to challenge the 'rules' that are created by perception; it is just in my nature.


So What Does 'Ambitious' Mean?


I believe that being 'ambitious' simply means 'to have ambitions - goals, needs, a mission - that you yearn to fulfil'.


Yes, a small percentage of people do have ambitions to be the next CEO/COO/CFO.


A larger group have ambitions to reach a certain level of seniority, or to manage a certain number of people, and then want to stay put.


And then there are some people who have ambitions to compete in a triathlon every month and so fit their training around their working week.


Some people have ambitions to spend as much time as possible with their families.


Some people have ambitions to seize every learning opportunity they can.


'Ambitiousness', by my definition, is about having a mission (or goals, or ambitions) that you believe deeply in and that you pursue with as much energy and passion that you can muster.


So, To Your Next Meeting...
So should you be cautious when discussing your ambitions with your manager?


Well, that's up to you.


But all I suggest is you get very clear about what your deepest ambitions really are across life and work, for an engaged, happy and enthusiastic employee will always be more likely to deliver, both for themselves and for their organisations.


Rebecca



Rebecca Wells is a Career and Executive Coach with a specialism in Personal Branding for Corporate Women. She believes that women are phenomenal and add long lasting commercial value to business and yet often struggle to understand their value or believe deeply in their abilities to succeed. Her coaching programs are designed for talented and savvy professional women who simply need that extra push to achieve their greatest fulfillment and success.

The 5 Futile Behaviours That Every Smart Woman Knows Will Strangle Her Career

Futility is a depressing thing: you push and push and push and still don't get a result. But what's worse, is you chastise yourself for not getting that result.

Women are constantly setting themselves up for failure by going out to achieve outcomes that, in some instances are never, ever, ever going to happen.

Stop wasting your time!

Here are the five behaviours that you must stop doing right now, if you're serious about getting ahead in your career.

Futile Behaviour 1.
Trying to tick everything off your to do list

If you're anything like me, you will constantly have a to-do list the length of your arm. You believe that the list gives you security: that feeling that you're 'on top of things'.

In fact, all the list does is set you up to fail because you and I both know that however many tasks get ticked off your list, new ones are added just as quickly.

The key, I have discovered, is to know which tasks have any real value and which should be dumped off your list entirely.

Knowing what not to do is as important as knowing what tasks to complete.

Action:
Review your to-do list.
- Which tasks serve no purpose at all?
- Which can be binned immediately?
- Which tasks could you delegate straight away, either up or down the chain?
- And which tasks will create outcomes that will make a real difference to you, your team or your company?

Having answered these questions, you will now have a 'dump, delegate and do' list. Signpost the tasks on your 'do' list that will make the greatest impact, the most quickly, and get to work only on those.


Futile Behaviour 2:
Seeking perfectionism

Perfectionism, by its very nature, is impossible to attain. You will always want to tweak and finesse... and then tweak a bit some more.

Quite simply, stop wasting precious time.
Action:
Ask yourself:
- Is trying to 'make things perfect' really helping you?
- Is it getting you where you want to be professionally?
- If so, what are you NOT doing when you're spending your time seeking perfectionism?
- Would anyone notice if you completed a task 5% less well? How about 10%? Would it make a significant impact to your end outcome or not?

And finally, whilst you're striving to be 'perfect', what are your peers up to??? They're your competition by the way.


Futile Behaviour 3:
Trying to be liked by everyone

The world is made up of different people. That is what makes it interesting.

We have different personalities. Different quirks. And different views about whether  or not dogs are 'better' than cats.

I don't know about you, but I don't like everyone I know. That would just be silly.

We don't all share the same values for a start which creates an automatic 'dislike' for one another. So if, I don't like everyone I know, why would I expect everyone else to like me?

The truth is, you don't need to be liked by everyone. Someone might not like you, but respect you highly. I don't know about you, but that would suit me fine.

Action:
Get realistic about who you really need to have 'on your side' and quite simply, who doesn't really matter all that much.

Spend the majority of your energies trying to influence the opinions of people you like, respect and who can help you achieve your goals.


Futile Behaviour 4:
Waiting to feel certain before making a decision

A UK newspaper recently ran a story about a fortune teller who makes her predictions using asparagus. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't know how accurate asparagus would be in foreseeing the future. I expect it's not.

Trying to know what lies around the corner is about as futile as it gets. Yes, you can have a 'best guess' based on 'the facts', your gut feel, and the opinions of your most trusted advisors. But none of us can ever really know the future.

If we did, the GFC (global financial crisis) might never have happened and I wouldn't have ever dated anyone who let me down. :)

Action:
Read my post here about how to arrive at better decisions with greater ease.

When faced with your next decision making situation, where you feel unsure, repeat this sentence 5 times in quick succession,

"I am never going to know for sure how this will turn out; that is exactly what makes the world such a fun place to live in. But I do trust myself, and my judgment, to make the best decision that I can today."


Futile Behaviour 5:
Waiting around to be recognised

Although 'recognition' is a major need that we all have as human beings, it does not necessarily follow that you need that acknowledgement to come from other people.

Much more important is to know, in yourself, that you have done a great job.

Of course, receiving praise from external sources is wonderful. But just don't sit around waiting for that stuff to come your way; you could be waiting a lifetime.

Action:
'Self validation' is a skill that you can easily learn if you do it regularly. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What were your expectations before you started?
- Did you meet those expectations?
- What value did you add?
- How would you rate your performance out of 10?

Once you've answered these questions, get into the habit of writing your achievement down. Even better, keep an 'achievement journal'.

When it comes to your next discussion with your Partner, or Vice President, make sure you have those achievements top of mind. Share them with him and make sure they are known. You might receive some praise (and you might not) but either way, rest assured: if you have self validated and you have made it known what you have achieved, you have done everything that you can to influence their good perception of you.


******

Now, Over to You!

Have any of these behaviours been slowing you down?
What have you done about it?
What are you going to do about it?
Love to hear from you!
Rebecca     Rebecca Wells is a Career and Executive Coach with a specialism in Personal Branding for Corporate Women. She believes that women are phenomenal and add long lasting commercial value to business and yet often struggle to understand their value or believe deeply in their abilities to succeed. Her coaching programs are designed for talented and savvy professional women who simply need that extra push to achieve their greatest fulfillment and success. 

The Biggest Loser 2013: What Have Diet and Exercise Got To Do With It?

To all my Australian readers, are you enjoying this season's "The Biggest Loser" on Channel 10?

I'm sure you'll agree that 'weight loss' is, on the surface, about your diet and exercise routine.

The fact is, your mental state is far more important: your degree of self-worth and determination will determine whether or not you can maintain that routine.

The three trainers on "The Biggest Loser" spend a lot of time talking to the participants about their mental states.

Participants are often challenged about how highly they value themselves.

The trainers push and push to reveal the excuses participants are making about why things are as they are or who else is to blame.

The trainers are constantly looking to help partipants break their limiting attitudinal and behavioural patterns and encourage them towards new decision making.

I actually think the number one priority when faced with any challenge (weight loss or otherwise) should be your self-worth.

Do you value yourself highly enough to even attempt this challenge?
Do you deserve success?

Once you feel congruent with questions like these, then those practical strategies, like diet and exercise plans, have a fighting chance of success.

What do you think?
Have you lost a great deal of weight and how important was your attitude to achieve that?
How important is your self-worth at work, certainly in terms of your decision making?

Love to hear your feedback!

Rebecca

WARNING! Your 'Decision Making' Style is Stalling Your Career!

'Decision making' is a crucial part of leadership. It's not just about making those tough calls, but how you conduct yourself during the process.

Most people naturally make decisions based on three different approaches. The problem is: none of these approaches is especially effective.

As you review these response types, think about which one describes you most accurately:

1. Emotional
An emotional decision maker reacts to how she feels. She gets a sense in 'her heart' that an outcome either feels 'right' or 'wrong' and will be comfortable to arrive at a decision with, or without, any facts.

2. Analytical
Someone who bases her decisions on facts and rational data thinks with her head. Often she will do so with little thought about how she, or anyone else, might feel as a result.

3. Reactive
A poor future planner will make a decision 'in the now' without considering how that decision might fit with the 'bigger picture'. She will tend to make decisions in a reactive manner.


Which one best describes you? Are you a reactive person, or do you rely on your head or heart to make decisions?

The Solution!

Arguably, the reason why each of these approaches is deficient is because they are all too simplistic and operate without a breadth of data.

To achieve this breadth of data, and to make more effective decisions, here are six key factors to take into account when you are next making a big call:

1. Head
Yes, logic is important:
- What do you know for sure?
- What are the facts?

2. Heart
And yes, how you feel is also useful to draw on:
- How does this make you feel?
- Who else do you need to consider here?
3. Intuition
What about your intuition as well?
- What do your experiences tell me?
- What's your gut reaction?

4. Context
How does this situation fit into a longer term time frame?

5. Counsel
Who else could provide an insight and give you an alternate view?

6. Values
Which of your values are you basing your decision making on?*

*This one is such a biggie I am going to write a dedicated post to it!


How do you currently make decisions? Do you tend to rely on one instinctive approach or do you unite many?   What has worked best for you? I'd love to hear; send me your comments below.   Rebecca

Personal Branding Quick Tip 4: Accept Your Value

 

Last week, we explored what I mean by 'your value' - read that post here.

 

Understanding what you offer the world - through your innate talents, skills, passions and experience - is only the first step.

 

Most people, when faced with a list of all their positive qualities, reject it out of hand:

 

• "Surely everybody is like that"
• "Surely everyone can do that"
• "There's nothing special about me"

 

Well, here's a news flash for you: you are special and you do have an inordinate amount of value to offer.

 

The question is: do you believe in yourself enough?

 

It isn't possible to 'sell' your personal brand (and all the positive qualities and value it contains) to other people if you haven't sold yourself on the prospect first.

 

The confidence and trust other people have in you are formed from the confidence and trust you have in yourself.

 

So chances are, if your confidence in 'self' is only a 4/10, their confidence in you will probably be a 4/10 too.

  

If you have personal objections as to why 'you're not good enough' your absolute first step is to work through those objections with a trained coach.

 

You truly are the only thing that is holding you back.

 

- Rebecca 

Personal Branding Quick Tip 2: Love Yourself or Give Up Now

Now, I know what you're thinking.



You hate the idea that to enjoy a powerful personal brand you need to 'love yourself'. That means being arrogant right? Believe me, this is a very common reaction when I discuss this concept with clients!



It makes sense too that if you feel 'branding' leads to becoming arrogant that the idea of 'loving yourself' would naturally make your stomach turn.



In my view, 'loving yourself' in this context is quite different. Personal branding is about celebrating you: your assets; your talents; and the value you offer the world. And unless you believe you have any of the above, why would you think you could convince anyone else of the fact?



What I've found, working with many clients now on this topic, is that it's fear that really stops anyone from accepting themselves. And what is fear really? It doesn't really exist - and it only gains any fuel when you think about things you're fearful of.



So, here's the challenge: get a pad of paper and write down everything that you love about yourself. It could be how you communicate with others. It might be that you make people laugh. Perhaps you love that you're adventurous. Or that you're a great listener. Really get in touch with everything you believe is special about you. I'd love to hear what you all come up with!

Emotions: The Way To Ruin a Good Relationship

Isn't it interesting how raw emotions can be tasted in a room? Say you entered a room where two other people had just had an argument - you'd probably subconsciously 'sense' the tension in the air and get a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right. Emotions - both happy and negative - can have a profound effect on the energy in the room. I'm sure there's some science to explain that... I don't know what it is, but I'm sure there is some! I'd welcome your feedback and ideas on that one... Think of the grumpiest person you know. Got one? Right... I bet you that being around them, when they're being overtly negative, has a dulling effect on you. You probably feel uncomfortable - maybe like you're treading on eggshells? At worst, their behaviour could make you feel sad. As children we used emotion to get what we wanted. Babies and toddlers cry for attention, or throw a tantrum to try and get their own way. Most of us learn that negative emotion isn't enjoyable to others and develop new ways to influence people and retain our friends. Some adults however stick to their guns and continue to allow grumpiness to take over. And it's ugly. If you're keen to see your relationships last another 10 years+ and to know that people enjoy being around you, it's worth asking yourself these questions: * Do you allow your emotions to negatively effect others? * If so, what do you gain? What are you losing? * And most importantly, what are you prepared to do about it? Take action and enjoy the outcome! - Rebecca

The Power of Authentic Behaviour

Authenticity is about being 'true' or 'real' to yourself and to those around you. What happens when you are inauthentic is essentially a values clash. What am I talking about, a values clash? Well you have a set of values that sit in your subconscious. These values are a reflection of your true self. When you act inauthentically, you act against your own values which will inevitably result in your feeling uncomfortable. You might even reprimand yourself: "Why did I just say that?" "Why did I just do that?" In a corporate environment it is easy to act inauthentically. You might behave in a particular way because you believe it is expected of you. You might act inauthentically because you wish to protect yourself from showing what you truly think or feel. This is all perfectly natural but I do believe you can behave authentically, in a way that does not create an inner conflict or that does not make you feel uncomfortable. The first step that a Neon Zebra would take is to know her own values. Here is a starting point - ask yourself these questions: 1. What is important to me about how I behave at work towards others? 2. What is important to me about how others behave towards me? 3. What will I absolutely not stand for? 4. How do I wish others to perceive me? 'Values' are not as complicated as they might appear at first and once you've got a better understanding of what yours are, I guarantee you'll feel stronger and more certain about yourself, freeing up valuable thinking space to help propel you forwards. - Rebecca

Falling at the First Hurdle? How Resilient Are You?

Resilience is vital to get ahead in life.

It's what pushes you successfully through the tough times, both in your personal and professional experiences.

I believe that most women need a special kind of resilience in the workplace. Why? Because we are regularly faced with challenging circumstances that test both our patience and ability to respond unemotionally.

I'm sure you'd agree that we all make better decisions, and are able to maintain focus, when we have control over our emotions.

A client I worked with recently was finding her boss to be particularly demanding and by the end of the week, my client was finding her own stress levels rocketing.

Resilience is essential here. It's about standing firm when things get tough, brushing yourself off when things get even harder and being determined to see through the situation towards a brighter future.

Resilience is all about bouncing back and doing it all with a smile on your face.

Easier said than done?

Here are some tips to help:

1. Identify the challenging relationships you have with the people you work with...

2. Where possible, speak to them if they are overstepping your boundaries and explain how you would prefer the situation to be.

3. Think quickly: what 3 things could you potentially do here to find a solution? Choose the best idea.

4. Remember to laugh; there's nothing like a drop of humour to lighten a situation.

What are your tips?
What are your proudest examples of showing resilience?

- Rebecca

Is Your Gut Taking a Back Row Seat in Your Decision Making?

Intuition is something we all have. It could be described as a 'gut feeling' or 'a natural instinct'. It's what makes you feel uncomfortable when you're in the company of someone you really can't stand!

Okay, so now we all agree as to what intuition is we now all need to agree to use it more often!

A Neon Zebra is an individual who stands firm. She is committed to defending her own opinion and trusting her gut feel.

Think about the situations where you trust your intuition and consider too the times when you don't.

* Is there a pattern?

* Do you question yourself more around particular people for instance?

* Do you buckle more easily under pressure or greater stress?

* Notice when you are more likely to hesitate or procrastinate about making a decision. What are the patterns here too?


The greater awareness you have about how you do things means you can make a choice to 'do things' differently next time!

- Rebecca

Why Roger Federer Is Not A Champion

There you go - I said I wasn't an avid Australian Open fan and here I am posting comment on it for the second time in a week. Perhaps these late night viewings are helped by the fact that I've now got a newborn in the house?! Yes, you read it correctly... I am posting this at 425am!

You've got to hand it to them - Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal certainly know how to put on a show.

The point I want to make here echoes the observations I made a couple of days ago about the Li Na vs Clijsters fixture...

Mental toughness is what wins you matches.

Federer is without a doubt the most gifted technical tennis player the world has ever seen. His achilles heel? His mind.

Tonight he played Nadal in the semi-final and at 9pm the fireworks (to mark Australia Day) erupted over the Rod Laver stadium. There was a break in play.

Having won the first set 7-6, Federer came back after the break a different player.

His focus was off. His famous backhand (and equally famous forehand) were failing him and as fate would have it, all the luck was going Nadal's way.

Whilst Nadal loudly celebrated every point he won (even the ones at 15 love), Federer became even more silent and brooding.

It wasn't his game that led Federer to lose the match, it was his mind.

Mindsets win matches.

Your mindset is no different. It can be a phenomenal asset or a devastating hindrance. And here's the really interesting part:

- There may be a limit to the level of skill you can attain (let's face it, we can't all be as good as Federer)
- But you have TOTAL control of your mindset

The difference between Federer and Nadal is simple:

- Federer values 'skill set' most highly.
- Nadal values 'positive mindset no matter what' most highly. The result? His competitive advantage.

In my view, Nadal's got it right.

What do you think?

- Rebecca

A Lesson from Tennis: Believe in Your Own Convictions

For the first time ever, I've been quite engrossed by the Australian Open, watching a number of matches over the last few days (I'm more of a Wimbledon-once-a-year sort of tennis viewer).

But last night, there was a gripper.

All the hopes of China rested on Li Na, the only professional tennis player ever to have represented China and her opponent, Kim Clijsters was back from retirement and also battling a serious ankle injury.

By the end of the second set it looked like Li had it in the bag, achieving four consecutive match points.

Having been behind throughout the entire match, Clijsters surprised everyone by defending each of those points before going on to breaking Li's serve twice and then convincingly winning the next set and therefore the match.

So where did it all go wrong for Li?

Well to sum it up in two words, she had a mental meltdown.




Li speedily transitioned from being comfortably ahead; acting decisively; and going for difficult shots to questioning her judgment and making a series of unforced errors.

Noticeably she also began to listen to the advice shouted to her from the sidelines - her husband (who doubles up as her coach) began encouraging her to challenge line calls which she wouldn't normally have queried.

His judgment was proven wrong twice and, due to the fact a player has a limited number of valuable challenges they can make, this only added to Li's frustration and dwindling focus.

Isn't it interesting how people question theiur own judgment more readily when under pressure?

'Are other people right and therefore I am wrong?'
'Am I on the right track?'

Having presence of mind is vital when building your powerful personal brand and learning to trust your own intuition - whatever the pressure - is a skill that will absolutely help your self-certainty soar.

When have you stood firm and trusted your intuition under testing cirumcumstances? I'd love to see your comments!

- Rebecca

Words I Like: EXPERIMENT

I'm in the midst of reading Timothy Ferriss' "The 4 Hour Workweek" full of ideas and strategies to live life and run a business more efficiently.

The word 'experiment' comes up often. I like it. I think it should be used more often in conversation.

When coaching, the concept of having 'the' right answer rears its ugly head time and time again with different clients:

"What if I don't have the right answer? I'll sound stupid."
"What if I say the wrong thing? I'll look like a monkey."

Fears like these are commonplace so if you see yourself saying either of the above, you can rest safe in the knowledge that you're not alone. That said, it doesn't mean that either statement is likely to propel you forwards.

Let's re-wind the clock.

Think back to being young. Remember how wonderful it was to have no woes. At age 5 the biggest worry you'll have had was whether or not to wear blue or white shoes.

These were days of play. Of experience. Of learning. At this age we were content seeing how things worked, how they could be broken and put back together again.

- We were okay if the building blocks fell over. We just built them up again.

- We were okay if we said the wrong word. We just saw it as an opportunity to learn.

- We were okay if we made chocolate chip cookies with pink icing on top. We just saw it as a means to get more sugar in our bellies.

We were EXPERIMENTING. And not only was it 'okay' - it was also a heap of fun.

Here's a thought: give yourself permission to experiment. To play. To get things 'wrong' and see the funny side.

Life and work are so much more fun when we get curious and choose to experiment rather than seeking the truth or the 'right' answer. Who knows? You might uncover something even better.

Mmmm ... Choc chips cookies with pink icing ... I could be onto something!

- Rebecca

Overcome That Limiting Self-Talk! "I Feel Like a Fraud!"

I hear this kind of self-talk in different guises from clients all the time. So if you're feeling 'like a fraud' or are worried that people might 'suss you out eventually' believe me, you are not alone!

I think feelings of fraudulence stem from the fact that many of us are striving for perfection most of the time. Unless you are the most knowledgeable; or the most experienced; or the most qualified person in the room you simply can't compete. Which of course, is poppycock.

I also think, from a feminine perspective, our concept of 'right and wrong' is rooted very deeply. So if you're putting yourself forwards for a promotion that say, you don't believe you're qualified enough for, your sense of right and wrong is likely to stop you from proceeding.

So how can we get over these thoughts?

1. Accept that you have plenty to offer - in terms of your skills, strengths and the value you can - and do - already add.

2. Accept that you might not have all the answers, but then who has?

3. Go for gold! If you do go for a new role, or put yourself forwards to push your comfort zone see it as a huge opportunity. The more you experience and the more your learn, the more marketable and powerful you will become.

- RW

The Power Of Positive Affirmations

You may have heard of 'positive affirmations'. These short and snappy statements, about yourself and/or your abilities, can be powerful tools in helping you to achieve more of the outcomes you wish from your life and career.

When writing affirmations be as creative, descriptive and bold as you can! Then recite them as often as possible: it's a great way to start your day and definitely ideal just before you go to bed (so your subconscious mind can get to work on them whilst you sleep)!

Here are some ideas to get you going:

My life is full of abundance and I have everything I need
I proactively seek out valuable opportunities to further my career
I have all the resources I need to be successful
I lead my team with authenticity, passion and charisma
I attract positive people to me and give positivity to everyone I encounter
I am smart, caring, fun to be with and an attentive listener


N.B. Using affirmations to simply 'cover up' limiting decisions you have made about yourself (or your abilities) won't necessarily be all that effective. If you do have beliefs, that you know are holding you back (e.g. 'I'm not good enough...'; 'I'm not worthy of this....'), ask a coach like Rebecca to help you bust through them long term!

How To Become a Powerful Leader - Follow My Simple Formula

I'm sure you'll agree that before you can lead others you must also know how to manage, or lead, yourself.

I'd like to share a simple formula that I use with my private coaching clients. Quite simply, you can choose to sit on one side of the formula or the other. And once you regularly begin to adopt the 'right' side of the formula, I guarantee you will not only start to lead yourself and others more effectively, you will also enjoy more success in all aspects your life.

I'd like you to imagine a line. Below the line is the acronym 'BED'. Above the line is the acronym 'ROAR'! Now, let's add some meat to explain each acronym:

R esponsible
O wnership
A ccountable
R ight now!
____________________

B lame
E xcuses
D oubt


This is a hugely powerful dimension.

So many of us, when faced with a challenge, problem or situation choose to sit on the wrong side of the dimension: below the line. If you choose your BED more often than you choose to ROAR, I guarantee you won't be enjoying the outcomes you want in your life!

You will probably spend a lot of time and energy finding reasons why things can't be done; why you don't deserve particular outcomes; why life is unfair; why Joe Bloggs is luckier than you; why Joe Smith is more successful than you; why stuff's too hard; why you didn't get that promotion; why you aren't being paid more...

It's a simple choice. Do you want to roll over and stay in BED or are you going to be accountable, stand on your bed, seize the moment right now and ROAR? - RW

TIP - How to Overcome Feelings of Incompetence

At 'Ask Rebecca How...' we welcome your challenges so that we can offer some suggestions to help you meet them. Here's a challenge we've received from Clara:





"My boss thinks I am incompetent and it's making me miserable. Any thoughts to help me?"




Rebecca says:

How do you know, for sure, that your boss 'thinks' you're incompetent? What evidence do you have? Has s/he ever said so, in these words? My guess is that your belief above is founded on very little and is merely a mindread or assumption.

Let's take a step back for a moment. Imagine you can see yourself at work, as if you are floating above yourself. Observe what 'you' are doing in the picture. Are you behaving incompetently?

If 'no', what makes you think your boss believes your behaviour to be incompetent? Is this an assumption you have made that you are allowing to affect your mood?

If 'yes', what are you doing specifically that tells you so? Write your thoughts down.

Ask, "What is missing for me to act this way?"

• Do you need to acquire more knowledge for example?
• Or some more experience to give you greater competence?

Think about the action you could take, perhaps discuss this action plan with your boss, and then action it! - RW