Expat Kids Make Great Hires

This week we celebrate women everywhere with the 8 March being International Women’s Day. I am writing a series of posts dedicated to the discussion of gender parity in the workplace and the vital importance of diversity. 

I’ve been an expat all my life. My family moved, when I was 3 years old, to Hong Kong and we lived there until I finished high school. My schools were filled with children from all over the world; one headcount revealed that 65 different countries were represented within my secondary school. At 18, I ‘repatriated’ to my ‘home’ country to study at The University of Manchester and following that, worked in London for a few years which is obviously another melting pot of different nationalities. 

Sydney was the next place that beckoned, where I lived for a further 7 years and our little family is now currently living in Singapore after 4 years being immersed in a vast array of different festivals, cultures, religions, food and languages. 

Our children, who are currently 6 and 2, are enjoying similar experiences to my own. Our daughter attends an international school where her classmates come from all over the world. In her class, there are 11 boys and 11 girls. They come from UK, Australia, Singapore, China, Spain, Mexico, Korea, India. They learn about Diwali, Christmas, Hari Raya, Chinese New Year and one of the school’s core values is to ‘celebrate our differences’. 

What is so wonderful about being surrounded by cultural variety, and the different opinions and experiences this inevitably invites, is that children become totally comfortable from a very young age with :

• Understanding and respecting other perspectives 
• Feeling confident in the company of people from backgrounds quite different from their own
• Being open to anything different from themselves
• Seeing difference as ‘interesting’ rather than ‘something to fear’

It also makes children more comfortable with change, which is an inevitable part of life. And encourages a curiosity about the world and about travel which helps children see the world as being highly accessible. 

Making children realise that cultural diversity is ‘the norm’ is an inevitable consequence of expat life. It becomes so ingrained in their psyche that very little ever seems to faze them. They embrace challenge with gusto and as though it were nothing. 

The more colourful. The more different. The more interesting. The more alternate opinions the better. This invites curiosity. Flexibility. Open mindedness. Progress. And less time is wasted. 

In comparison, environments that lack diversity are one-dimensional. They are brittle and taut. The same ideas are circulated. Very little learning occurs. Problems will always be answered with the same solutions and too much energy and time are wasted resisting change.  

Quite simply, diversity is the way of the future. 

Rebecca Allen is an Executive Coach and Facilitator who has been working for over a decade with Corporate Women who want to progress in their careers and stand out from the crowd. Http://www.clearhorizoncoaching.com 

Why Gender Parity at The Top Level Doesn’t Work

This week we celebrate women everywhere with the 8 March being International Women’s Day. I am writing a series of posts dedicated to the discussion of gender parity in the workplace and the vital importance of diversity. 

Gender parity in the boardroom is an unrealistic notion. Gender parity in other corporate situations is not:

• Women should be paid equally for performing an equal role. 

• Women should have the same opportunities available to them as men. 

• Career breaks to care for children (or otherwise) should be viewed as value- adds rather than as inconveniences. 

Despite these areas where I believe equality to be vital, I also believe that organisations seeking a 50/50 balance at boardroom, or even senior, levels is unrealistic. 

Firstly not all women aspire to a top level job. Through the course of facilitating over 700 hours of coaching sessions, I can certainly say that corporate life - at the highest of levels - isn’t for everyone. The reasons vary: 

• Regardless of whether or not women take career breaks, many feel that their priorities change as they get older. 

• Some choose to stay at home for lengthy periods of time to raise children, or care for other family members. 

• Many take on less stressful, or more flexible roles, outside of mainstream corporate environments. 

• After years in corporate positions, many women choose to go into business for themselves. 

My view is that a 60 male/40 female split is what organisations should be chasing at the most senior level. And it should probably be reviewed as a long term strategy with promotional decisions occurring on a sliding scale: some years the split might be 65/35 and others 55/45 for example. 

Rebecca Allen is an Executive Coach and Facilitator who has been working for over a decade with Corporate Women who want to progress in their careers and stand out from the crowd. 

I recently turned 40. It was a real celebration, largely because I’m really happy to be 40. I have the most incredible life: a beautiful, healthy and happy family and a rich and interesting life; I have a lot to be happy about. 

At my birthday party, I gave a little speech. You know me, I love giving a speech! I talked about how important it is to live in the now because that’s really ALL there is. 

The past has happened. It’s done. It’s over. 

The future you have so little control over and things can change. 

The only space where you really have any control is the present. The now. Right now, you could make a choice to do things differently. To make a decision. To say something that’s been on your mind. The power is now. 

I love this quote from Sir Anthony Hopkins. It sums up this sentiment beautifully:

“None of us is getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after-thought. 

Eat the delicious food. 

Walk in the sunshine. 

Jump in the ocean. 

Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. 

Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.”

~Anthony Hopkins

Do You Need Technology To Be Successful?

I am what you might call a 'technological laggard': I am super slow to adopt anything new.

I was buying a Discman (for CDs) when the Mini-disc Player came out.

I was buying a Mini-disc Player when the iPod came out.

I never bothered getting an iPod; I am still satisfied playing CDs on my ghetto blaster.

An interesting survey I recently read points out that women who embrace technology are 'more likely to be highly successful'.

I suppose this means that technology makes life easier and allows us women to get even more done, even more efficiently than we would do without it.

I don't have an iPhone (go figure) but I do have a Blackberry... which I adore. And I must say, it does enable me to get more done... and makes me even more efficient than I was before the said smartphone graced my world.

But perhaps success isn't about 'productivity' or 'efficiency'. Perhaps it's about having more time to spend doing all the other stuff in my life once I've got all my work done.

What do you think?
Does technology make you more 'successful'?
And what does 'success' mean here?

All comments welcome!

- Rebecca

Sharing My Birth Experience With You!

It's now Boxing Day and I can't believe how quickly December has gone! Three weeks ago I encountered an entirely new experience: a natural, drug-free hypnobirthing birth. The result: our gorgeous little girl, Elise was born!

Here's a pic of her at 2 weeks old:



Elise was 8 days 'late' but, despite talk from our midwives that they wanted to book me in for an artificial induction to 'get things moving', I was adamant that I wanted our baby to come spontaneously - when she was ready. After all, I had been lucky enough to have a straight forward pregnancy and Elise's heart beat was healthy and strong.

At 4am on 5th December I woke up with my first contractions. Having never been a mum before I wasn't sure what contractions would feel like. All I knew was that this was a different sort of feeling. I was so ready to have my baby that I was ecstatic to be feeling these pangs. I woke Ross to let him know that something was happening -and then, knowing all we could do was wait, we went back to bed.

In the morning, the spasms were still coming so I started listening to my hypnobirthing CDs, doing the specific breathing techniques through each contraction and staying as focused as possible on remaining calm and oxygenating my body.

By 10am it was time to go to hospital: the contractions were 5 minutes apart and strengthening. We left, got half way to hospital and I remembered I'd left a candle burning in the living room. There was no way I could relax and stay focused knowing our house could burn down at any minute (!) so we drove back home to blow it out! Back to hospital again... :)

Our delivery room was much more welcoming than I expected it would be. This would be our 'home' for the next few hours!

I was still comfortable enough chatting with Laura (our midwife) and as I didn't seem distressed she suggested we went home for another couple of hours. To be truthful I didn't fancy the car journey home twice again and anyway, my instinct told me to stay put.

I was linked me up to a machine to monitor the contractions (or 'surges' if you want to use hypnobirthing speak) and the baby's heartbeat.

Within ten minutes the waves of contractions started to come more quickly and harder. They sort of punched down from my mid-stomach and across my lower abdomen.

I was glad I'd listened to my intuition and stayed put. An internal exam revealed that I was already 6cm dilated (you need to be 10cm to birth your baby). I think Laura was surprised I was so far along and still calm!

Throughout my pregnancy I had seen my acupuncturist, Olivia Shurdova (who is exceptionally gifted). Amongst other things Olivia had shown Ross and I key acupressure points on my legs, hands and shoulders that, when pressed, would offer natural pain relief. It was time to apply what we'd learnt! Ross began to apply pressure to these points each time a contraction washed across my belly and it made a significant difference.

By about 1pm the contractions had sort of taken over my body. Every 1 to 2 minutes this tightening would surge across my lower abdomen - from the hips into the centre of my belly. Some women describe it as a strong period pain. My experience was quite localised to the lower part of my belly. From my hypnobirthing classes I knew this was the horizontal muscles at the base of my uterus being pulled open and up as a result of the vertical muscles contracting upwards.

I remembered the advice from our tutor: to imagine these muscles as ribbons (or anything flowing, limp and light... like running water or fabric blowing in the wind).

Any of my clients will know that I am a huge advocate of visualisation and mental preparation - I firmly believe in the power of the mind-body connect. Knowing how my body was naturally working to birth my baby, coupled with these visualisations, enabled me to stay totally focused and manage the situation more easily.

At this stage of labour some women like to stand, others to lie down. Many prefer to work through it hunched over an exercise ball. Quite frankly no position for me was comfortable at this point. The best option was standing with my hands on the end of the bed.

By 2pm I asked for the bath to be filled. "I think you've got another half hour before we do that," Laura said. "Nup," I said, "I need to get in the water!" I wanted the warm water around me to soothe the contractions.

Here's a picture of what a birthing bath looks like:



The warmth of the bath water was delicious. Not only did it ease the ache from each surge, it also helped me to feel weightless. Ross was an absolute godsend too at this point. He had also attended the hypno classes with me and knew what to say and when to say it.

In a hypno birth, the role of your birthing partner is vital. Well let's face it, in any birth it helps to have a birthing partner who is aware of your birthing preferences and to encourage you throughout!

Ross' voice became my main focus and enabled me to filter out all other voices and noise. He reminded me to breathe deeply to a count of ten and out for ten - not only did this saturate my body and uterus with oxygen (thereby keeping the muscles maleable as possible) it also brought calmness to my mind.

Every wave, he reminded me too that we were one more contraction closer to meeting our daughter.

Our baby was well and truly down in my birth canal when Laura suggested I stand up. Although gravity is a natural aid to birthing, standing up was the last thing I fancied attempting!

One of my friends had used 'active birthing' techniques, where you walk and stand as much as possible. It seemed logical - and it worked - as soon as I stood up, our baby started to be visible. Hooray - it was time!

In hypnobirthing terms, this is the point where you switch to 'J' curve breathing. This is where you inhale quickly and deeply and then exhale down hard whilst imagining baby is moving out in a sort of 'j' shape.

For me, this was a technique that went totally out of the window as my body's natural instincts took hold. All I wanted to do was push! I could feel the baby surging forwards each time, only to be sucked back in again! After that occuring twice, I twigged that I needed to make more of a concerted effort whilst still allowing time for my skin to stretch.

Within 20 minutes the baby's head was out. Her shoulders were soon to follow. It was only then that I really heard Laura's voice. "Mum you can reach down and pull baby out if you want." What? I thought. I hadn't imagined I would be able to do that! How amazing!

I opened my eyes, looked down and saw this little head and body in the water. Our baby was almost born! I reached down and clasped her little body. It was truly magical. With the next contraction I delivered our baby girl and lifted her out of the water and onto my chest. I think I was in shock - she was finally here and was absolutely perfect.

Here's another pic just after she was born:




Birthing Elise in a natural way was, as I say, a truly magical experience. It is true that I would have been desperately disappointed if I hadn't been able to bring Elise into the world drug free (I believe the combination of water and hypno birthing without drugs or intervention has resulted in an exceptionally calm and healthy baby).

But I was a very lucky mum and had no complications. So now she is here... the true challenge begins!

I hope you've enjoyed hearing about my experience. I would love to hear other parents' birth stories - feel free to post your comments below!

- Rebecca