Not 'Ambitious'? Don't Worry; The Only Way Ain't 'Up'

"So, how ambitious are you?"

"Yikes!" you think. "I'm not ambitious at all... I was dreading him asking me that."


Interviews. Performance reviews. Chats with your boss. All of these situations could result in your degree of ambitiousness being called into question.


There appears to be a widespread perception in the corporate world that to be any good, or to be regarded as an asset to your company, you must also be 'ambitious' (which, in most corporate cultures, means 'wanting to work your way up the ladder').


In my mind, that definition is limited and is actually held by only a small percentage of the working population and yet, their definition has become the standard to which everyone else thinks they must adhere.

A Client Said...

I had a client recently who was talking about his performance review and how he should handle 'that' question about ambitiousness. "If I was talking to friends," he said, "I'd say the truth: I don't want ever to be a senior manager leading a massive team."


"And how would you reply if your boss asked the same question?" I asked. "Well, I would have to tell him what he expects to hear: that I'm ambitious and want a top job in the long term."


Surely the problem with this is that this client could well end up with exactly what he doesn't want: a job that doesn't inspire, engage or motivate him.


I often like to challenge the 'rules' that are created by perception; it is just in my nature.


So What Does 'Ambitious' Mean?


I believe that being 'ambitious' simply means 'to have ambitions - goals, needs, a mission - that you yearn to fulfil'.


Yes, a small percentage of people do have ambitions to be the next CEO/COO/CFO.


A larger group have ambitions to reach a certain level of seniority, or to manage a certain number of people, and then want to stay put.


And then there are some people who have ambitions to compete in a triathlon every month and so fit their training around their working week.


Some people have ambitions to spend as much time as possible with their families.


Some people have ambitions to seize every learning opportunity they can.


'Ambitiousness', by my definition, is about having a mission (or goals, or ambitions) that you believe deeply in and that you pursue with as much energy and passion that you can muster.


So, To Your Next Meeting...
So should you be cautious when discussing your ambitions with your manager?


Well, that's up to you.


But all I suggest is you get very clear about what your deepest ambitions really are across life and work, for an engaged, happy and enthusiastic employee will always be more likely to deliver, both for themselves and for their organisations.


Rebecca



Rebecca Wells is a Career and Executive Coach with a specialism in Personal Branding for Corporate Women. She believes that women are phenomenal and add long lasting commercial value to business and yet often struggle to understand their value or believe deeply in their abilities to succeed. Her coaching programs are designed for talented and savvy professional women who simply need that extra push to achieve their greatest fulfillment and success.

The Greatest Myth: To Be 'Resilient', You Must Be 'Unbreakable'

I work a lot in the corporate world and often find that many corporate cultures operate in a dramatically different ways to the rest of the world.

Someone, somewhere along the line introduced this concept that to be 'resilient' at work, you must be some sort of superhero: unbreakable, unbendable and therefore wholly reliable.

Not only is this totally unrealistic, it creates greater problems than it solves.

Resilience differs from person to person and from organisation to organisation. People working in emergency care for example are under very different pressures to people working in a travel booking office for example: their needs for 'resilience' therefore differ enormously.

But whatever your culture, resilience has nothing to do with being superhuman.

Resilience is wholly about three things:

1. Adaptability.
2. Flexibility.
3. Resourcefulness.

The more flexible and adaptable you are to circumstances that come your way the more open minded you will be when solving problems. You will become creative rather than stressed. You will seek solutions and opportunities wherever you can. You will summon new resources because you will be looking for them.

So the next time this word, 'resilience' gets bandied around the office in a rather unrealistic, unimaginative way... get creative. And see what happens.

What are your thoughts about 'resilience'? How do you view it? Is it a 'corporate' word gone mad? How does resilience show up in your personal lives?

Love to hear your thoughts!
Rebecca

Rebecca Wells is a Career and Executive Coach with a specialism in Personal Branding for Corporate Women. She believes that women are phenomenal and add long lasting commercial value to business and yet often struggle to understand their value or believe deeply in their abilities to succeed. Her coaching programs are designed for talented and savvy professional women who simply need that extra push to achieve their greatest fulfillment and success.




 

Working Mum? Have Children When Your Husband Retires!

Xerox's CEO, Ursula Burns, has recently been asked what the secrets are to her success.

She attributes part of her success, as a working mum, to marrying a man 20 years older than her.

How she sees it, having an older partner meant childcare was never an issue: at a time when she was pushing her way to the top, her husband was retired and was able to look after the children.

What do you think about that? It's an interesting angle... one I hadn't really thought about before... I'm sure that is an approach that works for many women.

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Rebecca
Rebecca Wells is a Career and Executive Coach with a specialism in Personal Branding for Corporate Women. She believes that women are phenomenal and add long lasting commercial value to business and yet often struggle to understand their value or believe deeply in their abilities to succeed. Her coaching programs are designed for talented and savvy professional women who simply need that extra push to achieve their greatest fulfillment and success.

Why Superior Leaders Make The Worst Leaders

Watch this tip on VIDEO! I want to talk to you about shadows. More on that in a bit... To make sense of this, we must first recap on 'values'. Values are factors, issues, objects and outcomes that are important to you. Good examples are 'success', 'happiness', 'family', 'wealth', 'health' and 'achievement'. Values are often aspirational. Counter to this you will also have, as we all do, what I call 'shadow values'. These are factors, issues and outcomes that you still value but would be less likely to admit to! Excellent examples are 'superiority', or 'always needing to be right'. Leaders who prioritise 'superiority' highly often make poor leaders. This shadow value is a greedy show boater, always wanting airtime. When it is in full flow, it has a profound negative effect on your behaviour: you will cut people off; hijack their ideas; and always try to trump their suggestions so that you can showcase your own expertise. Allowing these behaviours to repeat can quickly lead to you having a disengaged team - so it's time to decide: can you truly nurture and develop your team members if you need to feel superior all the time? - Rebecca

Emotions: The Way To Ruin a Good Relationship

Isn't it interesting how raw emotions can be tasted in a room? Say you entered a room where two other people had just had an argument - you'd probably subconsciously 'sense' the tension in the air and get a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right. Emotions - both happy and negative - can have a profound effect on the energy in the room. I'm sure there's some science to explain that... I don't know what it is, but I'm sure there is some! I'd welcome your feedback and ideas on that one... Think of the grumpiest person you know. Got one? Right... I bet you that being around them, when they're being overtly negative, has a dulling effect on you. You probably feel uncomfortable - maybe like you're treading on eggshells? At worst, their behaviour could make you feel sad. As children we used emotion to get what we wanted. Babies and toddlers cry for attention, or throw a tantrum to try and get their own way. Most of us learn that negative emotion isn't enjoyable to others and develop new ways to influence people and retain our friends. Some adults however stick to their guns and continue to allow grumpiness to take over. And it's ugly. If you're keen to see your relationships last another 10 years+ and to know that people enjoy being around you, it's worth asking yourself these questions: * Do you allow your emotions to negatively effect others? * If so, what do you gain? What are you losing? * And most importantly, what are you prepared to do about it? Take action and enjoy the outcome! - Rebecca

A Lesson from Tennis: Believe in Your Own Convictions

For the first time ever, I've been quite engrossed by the Australian Open, watching a number of matches over the last few days (I'm more of a Wimbledon-once-a-year sort of tennis viewer).

But last night, there was a gripper.

All the hopes of China rested on Li Na, the only professional tennis player ever to have represented China and her opponent, Kim Clijsters was back from retirement and also battling a serious ankle injury.

By the end of the second set it looked like Li had it in the bag, achieving four consecutive match points.

Having been behind throughout the entire match, Clijsters surprised everyone by defending each of those points before going on to breaking Li's serve twice and then convincingly winning the next set and therefore the match.

So where did it all go wrong for Li?

Well to sum it up in two words, she had a mental meltdown.




Li speedily transitioned from being comfortably ahead; acting decisively; and going for difficult shots to questioning her judgment and making a series of unforced errors.

Noticeably she also began to listen to the advice shouted to her from the sidelines - her husband (who doubles up as her coach) began encouraging her to challenge line calls which she wouldn't normally have queried.

His judgment was proven wrong twice and, due to the fact a player has a limited number of valuable challenges they can make, this only added to Li's frustration and dwindling focus.

Isn't it interesting how people question theiur own judgment more readily when under pressure?

'Are other people right and therefore I am wrong?'
'Am I on the right track?'

Having presence of mind is vital when building your powerful personal brand and learning to trust your own intuition - whatever the pressure - is a skill that will absolutely help your self-certainty soar.

When have you stood firm and trusted your intuition under testing cirumcumstances? I'd love to see your comments!

- Rebecca

Why Playing 'Victim' Is Killing Your Progress

We all have moments when we 'play victim'. We whinge. We feel sorry for ourselves. We complain.

I 'did' victim just this week. I was looking at the marketing plan I had for next year and started to panic, 'How on earth am I going to juggle all of this when I'm having a baby in 4 weeks' time?!' I thought.

After a little while of paralysing panic, I realised I didn't need to make it happen all at once. If I broke it down into bite sized steps I could manage it all comfortably.

And there it was. In those 2 minutes, I moved from a position of 'doubt and blame' to one of 'excitement and responsibility'.

People who move forwards and get things done still 'go to' victim space but the difference is... they don't stay there for long. They make a conscious choice to take action rather than dwelling in a space they don't want to be.

In the world of work, you may have come across the concept of 'above and below the line' thinking.

If the terms are unfamiliar to you, the basic premise is that 'above the line' thinking is the place of responsibility whilst 'below the line' thinking is the place of blame:



Responsibility
_______________

Blame


In my view, it comes down to choice. When confronted with an issue do you choose to take responsibility/action or do you choose to blame others or make excuses (or simply hide under your desk)?

Clearly 'below the line' thinking is the choice of someone taking a victim role.

It's such a simple concept and yet profound.

If you think you might have a tendency to adopt roles that don't help you get the best outcomes for you, here are some questions to challenge yourself with:


1. In the main, which position do you choose - Victim or Hero?

2. Is there a particular situation at the moment where you're playing Victim and you know in your heart that it's not serving you?

3. What attitude or behavioural changes do you want to make - right now - to move to a position of responsibility and solution-orientated thinking?

I'd love to hear your experiences around 'victim' orientated thinking... email me any time or post your comments below.

-RW

How to Raise Your Profile WITHOUT Arrogance

We all suffer from limiting self-talk from time to time.

One of the most common concerns I hear from clients is the issue of perceived arrogance:

"What if, by raising my profile at work, people start thinking I'm arrogant?"

Let's face it, few of us wants to be thought of as 'arrogant'.

Arrogant people are not usually enjoyable to be around. They tend to hold the view that they know best and seem quite unaware as to how their actions might impact on others or, much worse, simply don't care.

So let's talk instead about 'assertiveness'.

When we assert ourselves, we behave boldly. We take responsibility for both ourselves and our actions and are driven to find solutions wherever possible.

Assertive behaviour, at its best, is also inclusive because people in the 'assertive camp' are much more aware of the people around them and actively assess how their own actions could potentially impact others.

The crucial point is this: assertive people have awareness and that makes them altogether far more likeable and effective leaders.

1. Build your personal brand by acting assertively.

2. Use an assertive tone of voice when you speak.

3. Listen to others' perspectives without necessarily agreeing with them all.

4. Stay true to yourself and your values, which means knowing what behaviours are important to you and that reflect the kind of person you want others to see.


- RW

Do You Feel Intimidated By Confident Women?

An illuminating psychological study, conducted by child behaviouralist Deborah Tannen, revealed some noticeable differences between young girls and boys. In summary, the research found that little boys tend to regard confident, alpha boys as ‘leaders’ whereas little girls tend to see confident, alpha girls as ‘bossy’.

Isn’t that a fascinating perceptual difference?

‘Confidence’ to boys is seen as a strength; being self-assertive is a skill to aspire to have. Girls, on the other hand, seem to find confidence in their own kind a real turn off and, from what this research implies, a negative way to be perceived by others.

The media continues to be saturated with comment about blatant gender imbalance in the workplace. You have probably seen some of the statistics: at senior management level women represent only 30% of roles in Australia; women hold fewer than 5% of senior executive positions; across the board, women earn 18% less than men...

The blame is often placed on ‘antiquated organisational structures’ and the view that ‘men only promote other men'.

Could it be possible however, that this imbalance is partly due to the fact that women halt their own progression for fear of what other people, particularly other women, might think of them?

If any of this rings true, here are some tips to overcome this perceived obstacle:

1. Acknowledge that there is a big difference between ‘assertion’ and ‘arrogance’ - when we are confident in an assertive way, we demonstrate leadership. We take charge whilst taking other people into account. People who behave with arrogance make poor leaders. They trample over others and in turn alienate them. Note: arrogance is often an indication that the individual is struggling internally with a lack of confidence.

2. It is essential to be authentic and find a tone of voice that best suits you and your personal brand. If you want to find out more about 'personal branding' join us on our teleseminars and workshops!

3. Seek out the strengths of your work first, before scouring it for weaknesses. All too often we women pinpoint the one thing that is out of place, rather than acknowledging all the 534 things that are not!

4. Avoid mind-reading at all costs... unless you ask, you won't know for sure what anyone else thinks of you.


If we women assert ourselves, actively self-promote our value and behave with a confident air we will inadvertently win the respect of others.

For surely, the real reason why so many little girls, and grown women alike, sneer at the confident women around them, is because they secretly wish they could have the nerve to act that confidently themselves.

What are your thoughts?

- RW

How To Become a Powerful Leader - Follow My Simple Formula

I'm sure you'll agree that before you can lead others you must also know how to manage, or lead, yourself.

I'd like to share a simple formula that I use with my private coaching clients. Quite simply, you can choose to sit on one side of the formula or the other. And once you regularly begin to adopt the 'right' side of the formula, I guarantee you will not only start to lead yourself and others more effectively, you will also enjoy more success in all aspects your life.

I'd like you to imagine a line. Below the line is the acronym 'BED'. Above the line is the acronym 'ROAR'! Now, let's add some meat to explain each acronym:

R esponsible
O wnership
A ccountable
R ight now!
____________________

B lame
E xcuses
D oubt


This is a hugely powerful dimension.

So many of us, when faced with a challenge, problem or situation choose to sit on the wrong side of the dimension: below the line. If you choose your BED more often than you choose to ROAR, I guarantee you won't be enjoying the outcomes you want in your life!

You will probably spend a lot of time and energy finding reasons why things can't be done; why you don't deserve particular outcomes; why life is unfair; why Joe Bloggs is luckier than you; why Joe Smith is more successful than you; why stuff's too hard; why you didn't get that promotion; why you aren't being paid more...

It's a simple choice. Do you want to roll over and stay in BED or are you going to be accountable, stand on your bed, seize the moment right now and ROAR? - RW

How to Present with Assertiveness

'Ask Rebecca How...' is here to help you solve your professional concerns and offer ideas to help you meet your challenges.

"In smaller 1-1 settings, I talk and present with confidence but really lose my nerve in bigger meetings. How can I assert myself more effectively?" - Joanna

One of the most powerful ways to fast track your career, and be recognised as a leader, is to be able to present your ideas with authority but often, we let ourselves get in the way!

When presenting in front of a larger audience, particular limiting decisions often come into play. Do any of these thoughts run through your head?

a) "What if my opinion is wrong?"
b) "I am not knowledgable enough."
c) "The people in the meeting will judge me."

Largely because of beliefs like these, many people will 'hold back' in bigger meetings, waiting for the ideal time to speak. However, the longer this goes on, the harder it is to interject and offer your view. It's time to make some changes and here are some tips to help you:

1. Prepare for your meetings. Write your ideas and opinions down and rehearse them out loud until you sound convincing!

2. How about this: how can you ever be 'wrong' when 'truth' does not exist? To 'be wrong' implies there can only be one possible answer... which is, when you think about it, ludicrous. All anyone has is their opinion based on their own experiences and view of the world. Give yourself permission to offer your opinion; the worst that will happen is that someone else will have a different opinion to you... and that is all!

3. Focus your attention on the knowledge you do have, rather than worrying about what you don't know (yet)! If you need to do some extra research, do it today.

4. Your audience will naturally make a subconscious judgment about you, based first on your tone of voice and body language... possibly before you have even uttered a word. Practice speaking with an appropriate level of authority and rehearse a few subtle gestures that will support the points you wish to make.

Happy presenting! - RW

How to work with other without judgment

Want some tips to be a better listener, communicator, manager or leader? Our 'Better Buddy' tips are just what you need!

"I find it hard not to judge others - is that wrong?"
Rebecca says:

Let's face it: it's human nature to judge one another. That said, people who accept others for who they are and how they see the world tend to be more successful, more amicable, attract more people to them and enjoy greater fulfilment in life. I personally find people absolutely fascinating and love the fact that we're all so different!

We all see things differently based on our experiences of the world, our values and our beliefs. As a result it is important to accept that how those around you describe their situation, or challenge, is a direct reflection of how they currently 'sees' the world.

My suggestion is that you accept how they see the situation - it doesn't mean you necessarily have to agree with it. - RW


Copywright, Rebecca Wells 2010. If you would like to replicate any of our content please just ask us!

How to Resolve Conflict and Manage 'Martyrs'

At Ask Rebecca How... we welcome your challenges and offer ideas to help you meet them. Mel has posed the following concern:

"I keep having the same cyclical argument with my mother. We never seem to get anywhere and I'm fed up with her being a 'martyr'. Please give me some ideas as to what to do."

Rebecca says:

It is so frustrating when the same discussion comes up time and time again, especially if you never seem to reach a positive outcome. One of the most effective things you could do is to identify the triggers that cause things to spiral out of control. Perhaps one of you says something in particular, or there is a specific behaviour that 'activates' the argument? If possible, simply prevent the triggers from 'firing'.

You have also described your mother as a 'martyr', a role similar to that of a 'victim'. This role can often be manipulative and can easily control, or direct, the discussion. Logically for there to be a 'victim', there also needs to be a 'persecutor'.

Think about the way you behave towards your mother - are you (or those around you) encouraging her to 'remain' in the victim spot?

What might you do differently? One suggestion is not to get sucked into her game, which is to make you take pity on her (and allow her to stay a 'martyr'). React calmly, resist any temptation to bite back, or 'persecute' her and ignore any martyr-type statements she makes.

By removing anything that might fuel her martyrdom she will soon lose interest in this role. - RW

Build Stronger Relationships - A Tip About 'Language'

Our optional theme at ‘Rise Then Shine’ on 5th of May is ‘building stronger
relationships’, whether that be in a corporate environment or a personal relationship. How about some think pieces to start getting our problem-solving juices flowing?

Here’s a starter for 10 which is all about language.

The language you use with others is phenomenally powerful, particularly the choice of words you use. Let’s take generalisations. Here’s one:

A: “Your work is extremely slap dash.”

Now, if your manager were to say this to you the first thing to consider is – is she right? If you don’t believe they are then this statement could be hurtful.

When managing others, whether at home or at work, it is important to be specific in the language you use. Here’s an example of how the statement above can be improved:

B: “The point you’re making, using the statistics in the first paragraph, is unclear.”

See the difference?

In ‘A’ the manager is making a sweeping generalisation about ‘your work’. It implies all of your work is ‘extremely slapdash’. In ‘B’ the manager takes much greater responsibility for her choice of language and uses specifics to explain her point. It also becomes obvious in ‘B’ what can be done to rectify the situation.

Action: Think about a time when you felt someone’s statement was unfair. It might have been the case that they made a sweeping generalisation as in ‘A’. Be aware of the language you use and make your exact point absolutely clear to avoid confusion and build trust in your relationships.

TIP: Build Stronger Relationships - A Tip About 'Language'

Our optional theme at ‘Rise Then Shine’ on 5th of May is ‘building stronger
relationships’, whether that be in a corporate environment or a personal relationship.

Here’s a starter for ten which is all about 'language'.

The language you use with others is phenomenally powerful, particularly the choice of words you use. Let’s take generalisations. Here’s one:

A: “Your work is extremely slap dash.”

Now, if your manager were to say this to you the first thing to consider is – is she right? If you don’t believe she is, then this statement could be hurtful.

When managing others, whether at home or at work, it is important to be specific in the language you use. Here’s an example of how the statement above could be improved:

B: “The point you’re making, using the statistics in the first paragraph, is unclear.”

See the difference?

In ‘A’ the manager is making a sweeping generalisation about ‘your work’. It implies all of your work is ‘extremely slapdash’. In ‘B’ the manager takes much greater responsibility for her choice of language and uses specifics to explain her point. It also becomes obvious in ‘B’ what can be done to rectify the situation.

Action:

Think about a time when you felt someone’s statement was unfair. It might have been the case that they made a sweeping generalisation as in ‘A’.

Be aware of the language you use and make your exact point absolutely clear to avoid confusion and build trust in your relationships.

RW x